Creating a Culture of Inclusion event recap: What does being an effective ally look like?

The Greater Oklahoma City Chamber of Commerce and Urban League of Greater Oklahoma City Inc. collaborated to create the Creating a Culture of Inclusion event series, which began in October 2020. The fifth event focused on how to be an effective ally in the workplace. The executive director of CAIR Oklahoma, Adam Soltani, provided his expertise as the keynote speaker of the event.

Every organization has a group of stakeholders, executives, and staff who must foster effective communication through conflict, change, and crisis. Developing a company culture of allyship which includes listening, speaking up, and taking responsibility for the short-and long-term organizational goals is a must in the workplace. Soltani explained that many items play into an organization’s effectiveness when it comes to creating a company culture of allyship. Listening, knowing your history, speaking up, and choosing to be a part of the change are some of the topics he focused on throughout the event.

Soltani’s suggested these listening practices for allyship:

• We must listen to understand, not listen to respond.
• Listen to what people that identify with marginalized groups are telling you.
• If your friends who are part of marginalized communities decide to engage with you on the subject of discrimination, listen to them and offer support where appropriate.
• As an ally, your job is to listen and learn.
• Provide a safe space in which individuals can tell their story.
• The rules of active listening work well:
  • Pay attention
  • Show That You Are Listening
  • Provide Feedback
  • Defer Judgment
  • Respond Appropriately
• Put yourself in the other person's shoes by recognizing our own privileges.
• Practice, Practice, Practice.

Why is it important to know your history?

 “Before you can or should speak up, you need to know your history,” shared Soltani. “Especially in communities in which individuals do not experience oppression based on their race or gender, there is a lack of knowledge about racism and discrimination. You cannot turn to your Black, Indigenous, Muslim, or other friends from these groups and ask for an explanation. It is not their job.”

Though it may be tempting to ask a friend or colleague who identifies with a marginalized group about their experience, it’s important to consider the impact of the request. It’s also important to remember that one person can’t be the spokesperson for an entire group of people. To better understand how to be a better ally, knowing the history of marginalized groups in our country is imperative.

How can you speak up as an ally?

In pursuing effective allyship, Soltani invited the attendees to challenge their motivations behind the work. He shared the definition of performative allyship as something to consider and avoid: “the practice of words, posts, and gestures that do more to promote and individual's own virtuous moral compass than actually helping the causes that they're intending to showcase.”

According to Soltani, we must be aware of motivations behind our actions and social media posts and ask ourselves: “Are you posting this because it's with the intention of being true ally, or because it will make you look good?” Before you post, think about if you are doing it for the “likes,” consider your readiness to respond to those who comment and ask questions, and reflect on the potential impact your post may have.

Though he warned the group of performative allyship, Soltani wants individuals to feel confident, encouraged, and motivated to speak up, even in places where marginalized groups aren’t present. He suggested to participants, “Take time at your next family reunion, all 'white' party, or social gathering to challenge peoples' beliefs, and speak up for those who are not there. Even if you can't change someone's mind, you are setting boundaries around what kind of language and behavior you will tolerate.”

What if you mess up?

Allyship isn’t simple. It’s a constant learning and growing process, and for those who are committed to pushing themselves to learn and grow, it will be difficult to fully avoid mistakes. According to Soltani, “The most important thing is to acknowledge when you are wrong and commit to not making the same mistakes again.”

He shared that a good apology consists of three things:

1. Acknowledging the harm or impact of your actions.
2. Asking (not demanding) for forgiveness.
3. Committing to changing your behavior.

What were some of Soltani’s tips for creating a culture of allyship in any workplace?

• Incorporate discussion topics and programming that will generate a better understanding and move towards the company culture you desire.
• Create a company calendar with culturally and religiously significant holidays.
• Create a safe space where people can have necessary and difficult conversations.
• Create a prayer/meditation room or space for people to stay connected with what makes them feel whole.

Soltani ended the event with an encouraging quote from Lily Tomlin which reads, “I always wondered, ‘why somebody doesn’t do something about that?’ then I realized I was somebody.” As you consider your role in your own workplace in supporting a culture of allyship, remember that it is a forever-journey, but one that you have an important part in. You are never too inexperienced, too young, too old, too anything, to get started.